i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
