The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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