I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
