I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
