craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
