i don't like sucking hair
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
