I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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