I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
