i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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