the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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