At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sex in a hospital.. check
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
