apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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