I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
