The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
