Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
