he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
