I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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