The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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