Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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