are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
