As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
