So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
