WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
