Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
