so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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