Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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