have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
