Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
