We're like a lot better than the average bears
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
