I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
