Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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