I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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