do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
