She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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