I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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