Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
