Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
