the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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