I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
