I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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