Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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