Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
