Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
