nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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