She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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