my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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