he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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