This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ladies don't puke and tell
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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