The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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