what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
