Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
