8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
