I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
