She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
