I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
